The organization of any event has a great deal to say about how the endeavor will turn out once it's underway. The events which an establishment, whether a corporation, government, or family, cause to happen or have great influence over are at the mercy of the priorities and foundational beliefs of that establishment which acts upon them. You can't help it! What you intend when set out to do something will mold and shape the outcome, whether you succeed in your exact goals or not.
So when I, as a father and husband, consider what outcomes I want for my family over the next year, five years, ten years and so on, I am a little nervous to admit that my goals and beliefs and awareness might not get us there. Of course we can't control everything. There will be pains and struggles no matter how much planning or strategy. But to compound those with the added frustration which would result on my hindsight revealing to me that I could have done better but was too lazy or distracted, this is unacceptable.
Stuck somewhere between the unacceptable and the unrealistic right now, I walk a tight rope. First I sway to one side, obsessing and worrying over every detail. Next, overwhelmed by the combination of factors with the limitations of my understanding, I sway to the other side. On this extreme, "worn out and burned out at how things have turned out," as John Reuben would say, I take such an improvised approach to planning that it can hardly be called planning. Instead, what it really looks like is improvisation. But what happens when improvisation fails to succeed? Swaying back again to the obsessive micromanagement?
As a person who loves God and meditates on his precepts, I excuse myself at the outset of pursuing each extreme. What I usually try and pass for balance is just a swaying back and forth, as I have described. When I micromanage, I tell myself that it's excusable because God desires for me to be responsible. When I neglect to plan ahead, I tell myself that God desires for me to have faith in Him to oversee the outcome.
Two questions present themselves, then, for my consideration. The first is this: Is this the best I can do? Not only that, but is this the best that God has for me and my family? Could it be that God, in his masterful design for the Universe would intend that human beings ideally would flounder uncomfortably between negligence and smothering control-freakery?
The second question I must consider, that of why I walk a tight rope at all, is perhaps even harder to answer. Why am I taking risk like this? Is that the best way to cross the precipice? And again, back to the issue of God's Will, did God either put me on this tight rope or else desire for me to stay on it once having arrived?
These are two questions which are vital, I think, to calming the urgency issue. See, not only is their anxiety in me regarding the two extremes, my swaying back and forth between them, the prospect of falling off should I sway too far, and the issue of taking my family with me should I fall. There is the pre-eminent anxiety of 'Where does God want me to be?' For the most part, when conscious of that question, it is purely rhetorical. The answer, when I have my thinking cap on, is obvious: GOD did not place me here, therefore he does not desire for me to stay.
So what is the solution? Let me point to the Scriptures.
In James chapter one, in the New Testament, we are given a prescription:
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."
So, in other words, there are three things God wants me to do when I face challenges:
- Enjoy them! - "Consider it pure joy" means that it is okay to laugh and smile in the midst of stress. Not only is it okay, it is the prescription. Granted, this applied to our own trials. It could get us into trouble if we smile and laugh during the trials of other people, especially if they don't grasp the exhortation of this passage. But the bottom line is this: God is using our hardships to grow us. So keep that in mind and consider it an investment in the richness of our character and personality for the future.
- Ask GOD for wisdom! - "Let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him" means that there is not some elusive mystical contest which our Father in Heaven wants us to complete successfully before He gives us advice. Just ask him! How much simpler could it get?
- Have faith, not doubt! - "Let him ask in faith, with no doubting" means that the only ingredient which must be present is trust. We have to trust GOD. Comprehensively, this means we believe he exists, he is reliable in everything he promises, and that he is supremely capable of doing anything he wants to.
So, in short, if I care about my family, I need to be asking God for wisdom not only to face the individual struggles which engage my family. I also need to be asking God for the wisdom, foresight and discernment to make decisions now which are good for my family in both the long and short term. Quick fixes need not apply. God is in the business and habit (since it's entirely in keeping with his nature) of making patient, beneficial, and ultimately pleasing intercessions on the part of his people. To those who love him, he is a Strong Tower forever, an everlasting Fortress. In such a one my reliance is not vanity.
So far I've been fairly vague about what kinds of plans I am referring to, but let me stop that and spill the beans. When I say 'plans,' I am referring to much more than financial considerations, though those are included also. Surely, God cares about the material resources of my family and I: clothes, food, transportation, housing, entertainment, etc. But more than that, I am convinced that God wants something more valuable for my family. He wants my family to be blessed morally and spiritually.
Let me give a specific for-instance. What kind of media am I going to expose my children to? Just anything? Nooo. God has put me in a place of leadership and disciplinarian over these children he's entrusted me with. I can't wait on the FCC to tell my kids what book, movie, music album or video game is 'age appropriate.' I need to play an active and relentlessly watchful part in what ideas and values my children get. Sometimes this won't mean a complete prohibition of materials that contain inappropriate portions. Sometimes it will just mean that I am sitting right there with them to help them understand how God sees these things and how he expects us to see, despite the norms of our society and world being to the contrary of His Will.
The way I am going to teach them about how God sees things is not going to be some simplistic expression of , 'That's bad, end of story.' Rather, using the Bible as the basis of our beliefs, statements and actions, I'll use God's Word to impart to them an understanding and appreciation of their Creator and Savior, especially through his revealed interactions with humanity since the day that Adam and Eve were made. Not just for church, my wife Lauren and I are determined that our children will have in their curriculum a course for learning specifically about the Bible. Even with the other subjects of study, the lesson plans will not be secular and godless, but dedicated to God, the Author of Knowledge.
That said, Lauren and I are fully bent on homeschooling our children. God did not bless us with kids just to have us unload them (or surrender them, however you see it) to the government via the public education system. God gave us these children with the intention that WE would be raising them. And that is what we will do, come Hell or high-water.
Speaking of my wife Lauren, this is another way in which I must think about the future of my family in more than just a quick-fix mentality. As the woman I have promised myself to for life and as primary example of femininity to our children, how I treat Lauren will have massive effects on how our family grows and develops. If I treat her well, our sons will see how they should act by my example and will benefit from her happiness in the way her mood and attitude plays out with them. If I treat her poorly, I will bring out resentment in her, in our children, and even in myself. Treating her well means being kind and gentle with her, communicating my expectations and needs in a polite and patient way, being willing to take care of her and, if need be, lay my life down as Christ did for the Church.
